Ask Others? Points and Find for Validation!

We are usually affected by other people’s thinking and become being limited by other people’s thinking. How many times have you heard “I wouldn’t do that if I were you”. And then ducked your original decision only to reliaze that you should have  listened to yourself. We spend much time asking others if it’s all right. We think that we value their opinions. But in fact, we are finding validation for our own.

I have a daughter who is smart, sophisticated, funny and generous but she hates making decisions when she’s around me. “What do you think?” comes up a lot in our conversations and I’m always throwing it back to her. She will badger me until she gets a response she’s looking for, which is usually validating what she originally set out to do. She doesn’t trust that she’s giving herself the best advice.

 

Hidden in your mixed up thinking are the answers you are looking for. It is the inner knowing that all of us have when we trust ourselves. I’m not saying it’s wrong to ask for other people’s opinions. In fact, in certain situations, it’s critical we ask others opinion to make sure we’re on the right track. Recently, I redesigned my website and changed my brand from The Fearless Fifties to The Fearless Factor, which was more expansive. We had several versions of the pages before we hit the winning formula, and I asked my subscribers what they thought worked. I got some really good feedback that helped me develop it so that everyone was on the winning side. But where we get off track is when we depend on others opinions and don’t listen to our inner voice of reason. The place of knowing that lives within all of us. I like to tell people who come to me for advice that I’m not going to tell you anything you don’t already know. You’ve heard a great deal of what I’m offering a million times, but perhaps this is the first time it’s actually reaching your conscious mind and you ‘hear’ it. The hearing is your inner knowledge. We all know what’s good for us. But frequently we are living with other people’s ideas of what’s good for us.

 

So next time you ask an opinion, ask yourself why you need it? Is it a need to feel acknowledged? Are you asking if there is a reason for your existence, that you are important, and that being in this world matters? If you don’t feel validated, what about that matters to you. Do you feel invisible, or unimportant?

 

The problem with this way of thinking is that it is self-perpetuating. When we look outside ourselves for the validation, we don’t always get what we want. The hardest place to look for answers is outside your self. By placing the burden on someone else to fill a need that can only be filled by you, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. So the next step is to KNOW that you already have all you need inside of you right now. You can trust yourself. You have all the validation you need right inside of you.

 

BOLA TANGKAS