After about nine months of meeting and dating men, my dating coaching client Dana found a keeper. She and Rex got along well and enjoyed each other’s company. He called her often and they saw a lot of each other during the seven weeks of dating.
But Dana was bothered by Rex’s lack of education. He’s a plumber and she has a master’s degree. Dana wanted a man with a good education and felt confused by this. She said she was glad to meet such a great guy but what was my take on the education requirement?
I explained to Dana that perfection won’t keep her warm at night and neither will a college degree. While she has every right to want an educated man, bending the rules on requirements can open doors and be a smart move.
Why? Not because she should “settle.” I despise that word! Yet, loosening up on requirements allows a woman to meet more men which widens the pool of applicants. And that improves the chances for finding the right man. This applies to education, divorce, height, hair, income, or any number of criteria you have for screening potential suitors.
Regarding education specifically, my question to Dana was what will his college diploma do for her?
1) Some say that its a right of passage and an accomplishment. OK, that’s true, but there are certainly other measures of accomplishment.
2) A man without college might not have much in common with her – but that doesn’t seem to be the case here.
3) Attending college is a sign of intelligence. I beg to differ on that one and have met many people with advanced degrees who don’t possess a bit of common sense, social skills or intelligence.
4) She wants to be sure she’s on par intellectually. But a college educated man could still be less equipped or smarter! College doesn’t guarantee intelligence.
I married a man without a college degree and it’s working out fine even though I have an MBA. Over the years, he’s learned more about marketing and business and I’ve learned quite a bit about mechanics and how things work. And when I need a proof reader, he’s my man. My MBA hasn’t helped me with typos.
In addition, Paul reads the paper to keep up on current events, where I avoid the news because of it’s negativity. (Paul shares the highlights with me.) That’s just another reason why we are a great pair! We COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER. We are not the same, but we fit together well.
As long as Dana feels she can have a good conversation and he gets who she is and what she is talking about – isn’t that what counts? If Dana can find a way to relinquish this need for education, she may discover she’s found a wonderful life partner.
Lighten up on requirements whenever you can. The reward may just be the man of your dreams.
By the way, Dana recently wrote me a heart-felt thank you note. She and Rex just celebrated six months and are very happy. Dana thanked me for encouraging her to give Rex a chance and see if she could get past the education thing. She did and it was worth it for her!