Fights, Rows and Marriage Problems

We love our partners, right? But we hate that they make us fight with them all the time. We don’t like trouble, and marriage problems. And we hate that we cannot get the things that we want and sometimes even the things that we need. And we hate that we feel rubbish about the fact that whatever we do we do not seem to be heard, or appreciated.

If that sounds like you, rest assured you are not alone.

The problem is that with today’s society, we seem to have lost the meaning of marriage. We are so caught up in earning enough money and having enough time to do everything else that our feelings and that of our partners, and even sometimes that of our families, seem to slide silently into the background, only to emerge later as a huge fight.

It tends to be a cycle. First a person works hard to earn the money for the necessities, and this takes up a great deal of time. Any time left seems to be taken up with sorting out bills, taking care of the house and yard, the car, visiting family, and other obligations.We end up feeling unheard, which then makes us frustrated. We inevitably take it out on our nearest and dearest, usually spouse and children.

In the meantime our spouse is doing pretty much the same thing, maybe they are more in charge of taking care of the children and house and work part time; and they are doing all they can and they feel unappreciated and hurt.

So both husband and wife are unhappy, and the cycle of arguments begins. Then when you add to the mix both spouses emotional baggage, then this ends up in a very volatile state of affairs.

What you need to do is stop for a while, and make some time for a discussion. If you have to do this at midnight – so be it, because if you are sleepy at work one day and it saves your marriage, it will be worth it.

Acknowledge your partners feelings, and express your own feelings calmly. No raised voices. Say how you feel, and let your partner say how they feel. Think about what you both want, which is probably the same thing – enough money, enough time, and everyone to be relatively happy most of the time.

Decide how you are going to make changes so that you can both feel better about what you are striving to attain. So then you need to make sure you are on the same team. You both have to be pulling in the same direction. If there is a particular way you need to feel appreciated, whether it’s by everyone putting their plates in the sink, or just by being greeted with a kiss hello and a kiss goodbye, this is the time to express that.

BOLA TANGKAS