One of the first things you’ll need to do after you find out your ex is dating someone else is to calm down. Don’t make any rash moves or snap decisions that might affect getting her back. The best course of action is to step back emotionally and regroup. When you’ve calmed down and are sure you’re not going to call, email, or text message her to death… here’s what you should do:
Break All Contact Immediately – I know this is the opposite of what you’re feeling, but it’s the best course of action. When you first hear of your ex’s new romance, the most common move is to rush right over to confront her. This is a terrible idea. It puts your ex on the defensive, makes her angry, and will have you looking desperate. The best thing to do is to yank your phone out of the wall and take a long walk… when you come back, leave your phone disconnected. You cannot call, email, or contact your ex right now. Why? Because this is exactly what she expects you to do.
Disappear For A While – Understand that your exgirlfriend is in the honeymoon stages of her new relationship. Nothing you can say or do right now will change her mind. The less damage you do by looking pathetic, the better your chances will be for getting back your ex girlfriend later on. By disappearing from your ex’s sight, you’re totally confusing her. You’re making her wonder where you went and why you haven’t tried to contact her. She’s going to start wondering if you’ve moved on, or if you even cared about her as much as she thought you did to begin with. This is all good stuff. It puts your ex in the position of being uncertain, which will make her question her decision. This is the first stage of making her want you again.
Accept The Fact That She’s Got A New Boyfriend – Coming to terms with the fact that your relationship has ended is important, but understanding that your ex is now dating someone else is equally so. Once you’ve accepted that she’s dating, your whole demeanor will change. When you finally do make contact with her again, you’ll be able to act maturely and tell her you wish her luck. Once she sees this, you’re no longer a threat to her relationship… and she might even start to see you in a friendly light. Your ex knows you well, and you know her. She might come to you when she needs to talk, or even share information about her lovelife with you. Building her trust in this way will become instrumental in winning her back later on… but none of this will happen if she still thinks you’re hung up on her. You’ve got to mask those feelings for her, because it’s not time to bring them out just yet.
Establish Neutral Trust And Friendship – When enough time has gone by, you and your ex will reconnect on some level. It might be email or text messaging at first, because talking to you is not something her boyfriend would enjoy hearing about. But the fact that she’s willing to risk her current relationship just to keep in touch with you is a good sign. Here’s where you need to be absolutely supportive and not say a single bad thing about her new boyfriend (as much as you want to!) Let her tell you everything she wants to, but don’t bash her current relationship. Offer your shoulder when she needs one to cry on. Look for weaknesses in her relationship that you might be able to exploit later on – but not now. Right now, the best thing to do is wait a while. Be comforted by the fact that you’re putting yourself in position to strike when the time is right.