These days, it’s pretty rare to hear this saying. Speaking for myself for a moment, I have always agreed with, and actually lived by it. But the big question is, does it work in marriage? Quite simply, the answer is ‘yes’. In this media saturated age, it’s almost become acceptable to be dishonest, deceitful and instead of working to make things better in your marriage, simply giving up and moving on to the next person. Ask yourself this though:-
That day you decided to get married, what made you decide it was the right thing to do?
You could have any number of answers to that question. Is it any of these?
“I was in love at the time”.
“I was young and stupid.”
“He/she was putting pressure on me and I caved in”.
“We’d been together so long that it seemed like a natural step”.
“I wanted a big/romantic wedding day”.
“I was pregnant”.
I’d wager that at least one of these applies to you. Which one isn’t important. You are reading this now either because things aren’t going the way you want them to or you simply want things to be better. Maybe you are here in a last ditch effort to save your marriage. Another saying I really like is ‘If you don’t ask, you don’t get’. This is never more true than in personal relationships. Have you been honest with your partner about what you want from them? Have you been honest about how you feel about the current state of your marriage? If not, then this is perhaps the most important step you’ll take towards improving or even saving your marriage. If your partner follows suit then you have a solid foundation on which to build, no matter what the problem areas of the marriage are.
Opening up and being honest with each other builds emotional intimacy, one of the most important factors of a healthy marriage. Without emotional intimacy and trust, it’s a lot to ask for two people to stay together for a long period of time. The more unhappy your marriage is, the more these two things will dwindle and eventually you’ll end up going your separate ways as a result. Marriage is like a child in that it needs to be nurtured, given attention and protected. It’s a very special thing – treat it as so.
Internalize these two sayings, I live by them – perhaps you should too.
Honesty is the best policy.
If you don’t ask, you don’t get.