Married and Cheating: the Fight Pickers


You both had a bad day at work or maybe due to some miscommunication some pressing family business didn’t get done. It could be that the two of you are just tired or that it is just part of your relationship. Whatever it is arguing between married couples just comes with the territory.


But with a cheating spouse quarreling takes on a whole new dimension. It’s not just the normal workings of a relationship at play. It is external forces directly affecting the commitment that you and your spouse have made to each other.


There are a number of motives at work when a cheating spouse decides to start picking fights.


1. Feeling It


You have been good to your spouse and they know it. You’ve had your share of ups and downs like any married couple but that only made you a better duo. And now your significant other is throwing that away and they know it. The longer the extramarital affair goes on the greater the guilt. For some it becomes too much of a load to carry so they wind up confessing; for others it means more arguing.


2. Shift Blame


Suddenly it’s you that may be the cheating spouse. Your significant other starts telling you they noticed a mutual friend is a little too friendly towards you. It was at that party two weeks ago. The fact that you only saw the person from across the room as they were leaving to go to another party is beside the point. The bottom line is they “caught” you. Shifting blame puts you on the defensive and creates more breathing room for their marital infidelity.


3. The Get Out of the House Argument


Your spouse just got the call from their extramarital partner. It’s on. They were expecting it so they already figured out what to do. It’s all about knowing which one of your buttons to push. Whether it was a misunderstanding between the two of you that happened way back or a current family issue doesn’t matter. As long as it can get you going to the point where they can go somewhere and “cool off”.


4. Resentment


They come back from the rendezvous and you’re still there. Your presence may be activating some of that guilt but it also tells the cheating spouse you are spoiling their enjoyment. Coming back into the house and facing the reality means the fun has come to end. That makes them angry and arguing is an a way to let you know it


Continuous arguing has a way of keeping you off balance and filling you with self doubt. There are going to be disputes in any relationship but if your significant other is picking fights with you then it could very well mean they have something to hide.