Anger can be a productive emotion under certain circumstances. If it is an impetus to create positive changes in your life, it can be of great benefit as it motivates and energizes your efforts. However, when the anger lingers past its usefulness and becomes a consuming force that prevents the bearer form embracing a positive forward momentum, it becomes destructive and toxic. Often, the wounds that come from a breakup or divorce are particularly severe, especially if there was a significant betrayal involved. Here are 4 steps to letting go of the anger and bitterness toward your ex after divorce:
1. Allow yourself to feel the full impact of the anger on your body and mind. Note how it affects you physically – in your shoulders, jaw, in the pit of your stomach, wherever you feel the anger. Then, make a conscious decision to release this negative energy for your own well being.
2. Allow for the possibility that your ex spouse did the best he or she could with whatever tools for living and relating that he or she had to work with. Unfortunately, some people have a way of making it through life that does harm to others. Consider their wrongdoing coming from inadequacy of these survival tools and from ignorance.
3. Visualize releasing your ex into the universe, allowing God to take over responsibility for punishing if deserved, and guiding his or her path. Release the negativity that is harming you rather than the person you are upset with.
4. Acknowledge you are exactly where you are meant to be right now, the sum total of all your experiences. Begin to look ahead to how the experiences you had with your ex spouse may benefit you in the future. You may need to repeat these steps several times before you can fully let go of the anger. Some wounds are more grievous than others.