Ways to Live with others: Time and Space

 

 

Two common problems in relationships are time and space. Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of a relationship is the changing of behavior which is suitable to only individual and not the couple. Many people have big problems in adapting to any negotiates because they have little desire to change the style which they live to accommodate a new person. Below are 2 tips: first is about how to move from a single home to one you share with your partner and find out why it can make or destroy your relationship; Second is about making time for your partner and refreshing old passion.

 

Making an effort to appreciate and taking the time to be considerate of one’s partner are obvious changes a single person must make when entering into a relationship. Focusing on the sharing of actual space and time can be more difficult to pinpoint as a source of anxiety in a relationship, because one often takes the smaller issues, however many, for granted.

 

Part One: From “Myspace” to “Ourspace”:

 

Decorating: Whether a person is moving into another’s residence, or the couple seeks out a new location to begin their life in; all people need to have space in their home that is comfortable. Many disagreements take place on the subject of decor alone, especially when one person has a more dominant presence in the relationship. It is typical that women, (or the more feminine partner of the couple,) tend to take charge of the majority of decoration; which for many couples works well until the alternate partner feels as though no spot in their home reflects their personality. Without a comfortable home, or place in the home, many people tend to become agitated and seek to separate themselves from their partner by staying out late or avoiding the home in general. It is wise to always consider one’s partner, even if one finds their taste to be disagreeable, when creating a living environment. When a home becomes overwhelmingly one sided in its’ décor it can reflect an enormous lack of communication and understanding in the relationship, which can lead to many other difficulties.

 

Respecting Privacy: Even during the most romantic and enjoyable periods of a relationship couples will often find that they each need a little time to themselves. Respecting each other’s privacy and need for this personal time is an essential component in a relationship and the lack of either can present many problems. Wishing to have one’s privacy does not mean that one wishes to be secretive or to keep hidden certain aspects of one’s life; often it allows both individuals to retain the personality traits and mental introspection that indeed helps to create a healthy line of new communication between the two people.

 

Visitors and Friends: In an ideal situation neither partner would befriend an individual that the other partner found objectionable; however, often friendships that were founded before the relationship began can be difficult to maintain during its’ coarse when those friends have been previously accustom to having a single friend; likewise the partner in the relationship built a friendship(s) as a single person and may also find the transition difficult to navigate. When referring to shared space it is incredibly important to consider one’s partner. Those people that might previously have encouraged friends to drop in unannounced may find that with addition of a partner this behavior is unacceptable. Problems caused when one partner keeps a friend that the other partner particularly dislikes can also be a great source of stress when that friend is invited into the home the couple shares.

 

One of the most famous clichés of today’s society, when referring to the average couple, is that the male must ask the female’s permission to invite friends into their home; in turn, it is a common complaint amongst males that they feel suffocated by this demand and tend to idealize a single life in which no permission need be granted. Personally, I find this to be a ridiculous power struggle in which the male is made to look like a child and the female a controlling shrew. When one shares a home with their partner is it polite to ask if their partner might have any objections to a visitor, not because permission need be given, but simply because it is polite to consider the plans of a person one lives with. If the visitor should be one that is greatly disliked by a member of the couple, discussing the reasons for this dislike together and without hostility can be of great assistance. Perhaps in extreme cases a particular friend should not be invited into the home and should be visited elsewhere if the individual and the objecting partner are very uncomfortable with each other, but this is often an extreme case that can be brought to a more reasonable conclusion if discussed rationally.

 

Respective Chores: Though seemingly an easy problem to divide chores amongst two people this problem can be the source of many difficulties and agitation if responsibilities are neglected. More often than an individual purposely refusing to aid in the maintaining of the home, one finds that the two members do not agree on how the maintaining should be accomplished or what the overall standards should be. Again this topic is one that can be easily discussed if addressed calmly and not neglected; if one member constantly “cleans up” after another for example, eventually arguments are likely to occur before the issue address in a reasonably manner. Be sure to assign tasks that both people feel comfortable with, along with a standard that can be agreed upon to avoid needless agitation.

 

Entertainment in the Home: With a wide variety of home entertainment possibilities it is only natural that many couples may find that they have different interests. In some cases couples will adapt by taking an interest in each other’s activities so that they can better share the space they live in; when the desired activities conflict it is important to remember that when it comes to entertainment all is a matter of opinion and that the space must be shared.

 

A classic example of this conflict over space sharing might be one that has been often seen on popular sitcoms: The male in the couple wishes to place a pool table or other such “gaming” furniture in a spare bedroom, the female wishes to make up the room with more traditional furnishings that have a tendency to be very feminine in looks; the outcome of this seemingly comical situation is often that the female refers to the males wishes as “childish” and that her style is the more “grown-up” of the two and should therefore be implemented. This kind of blatant disregard for one partner’s wishes maybe over looked on television, but it not so lightly felt in real life. To indicate that a source of entertainment is childish and therefore is unacceptable to request is an assumption that could be applied to any situation if the culture or society called for it to be. The furnishing of a room in flowery curtains and a matching bed might be called practical or might just as easily be compared to the familiar ritual of a “girl’s tea party.” Arguments for which partner has the more practical idea, the better idea or simply resorting to insulting each other’s ideas are not a productive ways to either decorate or relax in a home. Instead one should always be ready to discuss the pros and cons of ideas from either person, so that together they may find a reasonable way to share the space needed for those activities which help to relieve stress and bring joy to their lives.

 

When it comes to your partner’s interests: try not to insult their taste or prevent them from enjoying their chosen activities and if possible, try to keep an open mind about particular tastes you may have overlooked prior to entering into your relationship.

 

Part Two: Time Making, the Watch you can stop:

 

Listening: Though for some the ability to stop talking and simply allow their partner to speak may not be an easy task, it is an essential for any good relationship. On the surface such an ability may seem simple, however, the art of listening has many working components: Refraining from interruption or undesired advice, body language that reflects the attitude of someone who is attentively hearing the person who they are listening to and retaining the information given so that it may be recalled at a later time are all constant in an good listener. Too often arguments not only escalate but cannot be resolved simply because one or both partner’s refuse to truly listen.

 

Taking and interest in their interests: Even if one finds nothing particularly captivating about the hobbies, activities or other interests in their partners life, (though if all of the above apply one might want to reconsider one’s choice in a partner,) to give a reasonable amount of undivided attention to those interests allows one’s partner to feel cared for, to feel attended to or even simply: loved. If one’s partner feels as though they are unable to share any of the burdens or triumphs, however large or small, with their partner the relationship often begins to dissolve in many ways and often a new person is found in which to confide; in some cases this can even be a source of infidelity.

 

Mighty-Mini Vacations: A day or weekend away from the normal routine can breathe fresh life into a stale relationship no matter how long a couple has been together. Take the time, however busy your life(s) might be to get away and explore both the world and each other. There are times when changes have taken place in one’s partner that were not obvious when buried in a daily routine; discovering these new aspects of one’s partner can at times be like falling in love all over again.

 

Something Special: Every now and then taking the time to do something truly special for one’s partner is an excellent way to show how much you love them. Expense may impress certain individuals, more often though it is “The thought that counts;” a little money and a great thought can go a long way. Paying close attention to the particular interests one’s partner may have, from collectibles to special dining establishments, can be not only a way to show you care, but that you are paying attention to the person your partner is.

 

Bringing any two people together to live each day will inevitably cause conflicts at one time or another, however, with consideration and a willingness to compromise; the stamina to endure these conflicts and continue to work toward a common goal; and finally, the patience, love and understanding of the person with whom you have chosen to share your life; any relationship can be an amazing success and one of the truly miraculous events in your life.

 

BOLA TANGKAS
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