Holding grudges does not get you the long-term results you want. You may win a battle. But you also risk engineering your partner’s distaste for engagement. As soon as that happens, your marriage is in jeopardy. Winning a battle, however important it seems at the moment isn’t worth that.
There are so many opportunities as you plan a wedding for things to go wrong. There are so many times when a beloved partner can squish a long-held dream or ignore the huge amount of planning that went into the planning and execution of a wedding. It’s also easy to be irritated because a partner just doesn’t care about the same things you do or that a partner cares about those things at all.
You don’t want to blow up. You don’t want to stay silent and fuss and fume over them until the decision over light or amber beer becomes a relationship killer. (I almost had a couple get a divorce before the marriage over loading the dishwasher. As I said, wedding planning and weddings carry their own tension with them!)
It’s important to remember as you’re planning your wedding that you’re actually planning the event that will get you to your marriage. If you’re smart, you’re using this time to work on planning your marriage as well. Everyone does financial planning, why not a little emotional planning?
Use your wedding planning time to work on the fair fight. One important piece of fair fighting is letting go. If grudges are part of your fighting style, you want to ask yourself what you’re getting from them and what you might get if you didn’t use them.
This is your beloved. You don’t want to be building a case against her or him. You want to be learning how to build a better and better relationship. That’s why you’re going to all the trouble of planning this wedding ceremony and reception. You’ve got a relationship that can beat the odds. Why not keep building the skills that will help you solve problems, rather than reinforcing the skills that keep you stuck?
If your heart has been broken, learning to let go and trust again can be difficult. Sometimes, if things are huge, you might not want to let everything go too quickly. But most things are little. And little things don’t all matter that much. Find a way to get to the end of grudges and resentment. That will make moving forward with your marriage so much sweeter. Think you might need professional help? So what? You have a trainer at the gym don’t you? Fighting fair is tougher than mastering the stair climber! Promise one another fair fights in your wedding vows and live into a marriage filled with forgiveness and moving deeper into love.